After the smokers they came for...

For the past two nights an advert has been playing out on our North of England TV screens. An ad sponsored by such august fake charities as

and

An ad that boasts:

Over 90% of the UK’s adult population drink alcohol. Studies show that North East England has one of the highest levels of alcohol consumption in the country.

Where have I heard that before? Ah yes, the same chit I've been hearing about my homeland since I was a boy in the fifties, especially my home town of Glasgow, which has always been seen as the "sick man of Europe!" How the hell Glasgow ever got to be the first European City of Culture with that reputation this Glasgow boy will never know! But I digress.

The time has come when we all need to talk about the role alcohol plays in our lives.

Well, the majority of people in this shiny Nu Labour world of Alice in Wonderland like a wee tincture or two after work, not every day you understand, and on the occassional weekend get blasted and have a fucking ball, so sue us...oops, sorry I said that, bastards!

What do people in the North East really think about the alcohol issue? We invite you to contribute to an open and honest debate.

Open and honest debate, hmmm, where have I heard that before? Ah, yes, the "open and honest" smoking ban debate which resulted in the largest 'minority' in this Kingdom being treated as lepers because they like a drink smoke in the comfort of an adult place of relaxation, the pub!

The feedback will influence how we tackle risky drinking.

Feedback? Risky drinking? I can smell a quantifiable scientific study questionaire in the air...sniff.

To achieve this, we are asking people to fill in a short and simple questionnaire, and enter the prize draw to win one of 10 iPod Shuffles.

Well there you go then, for the chance of winning an iPod Shuffle you only have to fill in their innocuous 'questionaire' and you are quids in...

This information will be used to produce a detailed report that will be shared with key decision-makers with the aim of developing a regional alcohol strategy. It will also help shape future government policy on this vital issue.

What's the betting YOU will not be a key decision maker and have NO control over this VITAL issue?

But do enjoy your iPod Shuffle, if you should ever be a winner.

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