Let the festivities begin but...

By John Watson

You are invited to this year’s New Years Eve party, I regret that The Healthists have laid down a few rules before it is permitted:
 

OFFICE OF ANTI-FUN AND GOOD HEALTH

　
NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTIES:

In line with Anti-Fun and Good Health Policy the structure of New Year’s Eve Parties has been revised:

OBESITY.

In order to reduce expenditure on healthcare for the clinically obese the following orders are implemented:
1) All meats served will be lean or meat substitutes.
2) The use of butter is forbidden.
3) The eating of Haggis ‘neaps and tatties’ is forbidden.
4) Ethnic foodstuffs remain unaffected.
5) The serving of Crisps, Savouries, Hotdogs, Hamburgers or Kebabs are strictly forbidden.
6) No salt permitted.


By order:

Horace Beanpole.

Essengauleiter (District Leader Eating) UK.

DRINKING.

In order to reduce expenditure on healthcare for alcoholism the following orders are implemented:
1) All beers are to be low alcohol.
2) Absolutely no Spirit’s with the exception of Ghosts, Ghouls And Poltergeists.
3) All soft drinks are to be sugar free.
4) Energy drinks will be permitted for those over 65 years provided they are accompanied by both parents.

By order

Sir Reginald Ratted-Boozey MBE. OBE.

Trinkesgauleiter (District Leader Drinking) UK.
　
TOBACCO.

In order to reduce expenditure on healthcare for Smoking Ailments the following orders are implemented:
1) There is to be no smoking indoors.

2) Smokers will be provided with an outside enclosure not less than 1000 metres from New Years Eve Parties.

3) Armed guards, razor wire, searchlight towers with or without machine gun posts and dogs are available from your local garrison on request.

4) Demonstrations such as the singing of Auld Lang Syne are forbidden.

5) Any attempt to have fun is forbidden.

By order:
　
Sheila von Gorbals.

Rauchsgauleiterin (District Leader Smoking) UK.

By order this day 22-12-10

Heideki Banzai III.

Deputy Fuhrer Anti Smoking.

Stanley Von Grass.

Fuhrer Anti Smoking.

I wish that you all Have A merry Christmas and a Very, Very, Happy New Year!

John Watson.

 Happily filtched from the Taking Liberties blog.