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Friday, 24 December 2010

Let the festivities begin but...

By John Watson

You are invited to this year’s New Years Eve party, I regret that The Healthists have laid down a few rules before it is permitted:

In line with Anti-Fun and Good Health Policy the structure of New Year’s Eve Parties has been revised:


In order to reduce expenditure on healthcare for the clinically obese the following orders are implemented:
1) All meats served will be lean or meat substitutes.
2) The use of butter is forbidden.
3) The eating of Haggis ‘neaps and tatties’ is forbidden.
4) Ethnic foodstuffs remain unaffected.
5) The serving of Crisps, Savouries, Hotdogs, Hamburgers or Kebabs are strictly forbidden.
6) No salt permitted.

By order:

Horace Beanpole.

Essengauleiter (District Leader Eating) UK.


In order to reduce expenditure on healthcare for alcoholism the following orders are implemented:
1) All beers are to be low alcohol.
2) Absolutely no Spirit’s with the exception of Ghosts, Ghouls And Poltergeists.
3) All soft drinks are to be sugar free.
4) Energy drinks will be permitted for those over 65 years provided they are accompanied by both parents.

By order

Sir Reginald Ratted-Boozey MBE. OBE.

Trinkesgauleiter (District Leader Drinking) UK.

In order to reduce expenditure on healthcare for Smoking Ailments the following orders are implemented:
1) There is to be no smoking indoors.

2) Smokers will be provided with an outside enclosure not less than 1000 metres from New Years Eve Parties.

3) Armed guards, razor wire, searchlight towers with or without machine gun posts and dogs are available from your local garrison on request.

4) Demonstrations such as the singing of Auld Lang Syne are forbidden.

5) Any attempt to have fun is forbidden.

By order:
Sheila von Gorbals.

Rauchsgauleiterin (District Leader Smoking) UK.

By order this day 22-12-10

Heideki Banzai III.

Deputy Fuhrer Anti Smoking.

Stanley Von Grass.

Fuhrer Anti Smoking.

I wish that you all Have A merry Christmas and a Very, Very, Happy New Year!

John Watson.

 Happily filtched from the Taking Liberties blog.


handymanphil said...

You neglected to mention at what time revellers were to tied to a post and shot!

Anonymous said...

Sorry Phil 00:01 1/1/11

Members of the firing squad to be drawn from the 1st Cross-eyed Fusiliers.


Anonymous said...

Sniffer van's will be pratrolling the streets and informers will be placed on high alert.
Local Gestapo Authorities have been also informed and will do their upmost to co-operate.

Joseph Mengele
Chief Medical Officer

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas as far as merry can be these days with the smoke, alcohol and obesity police on the prowl trawling for merry makers that is. Nobody would ever have dreamt that the occupation would eventually come from within instead of from without. How times have truly changed. Hoping 2011 might bring some change in a new direction finally too, back to the way of liberty, truth and freedom.

TheBigYin said...

This comment that I relate has some resonance with the above blog piece.

I, as many people know, live in a high rise block that has been for many years designated as "sheltered accommodation" and mainly elderly and infirm people have/are moved in here.

We have had, for many years, a community room attached and many social occassions are participated therin, and a great social thing they are if you think of the anti social nature of high rise blocks where you live in isolated flats. If you do not have a spouse just think how isolating that is so a game of bingo with others is a welcome respite from the encroaching four walls of a flat.

Last Saturday night BigYin Towers had their Christmas party, oh boy, what a party. I was asked to video it for 'in house' consumption on DVD.

The night was a rip roaring success, as it always has been in previous years, and went on well into the wee small hours of the next morning,(I and Mrs Yin left the party, albeit in much reduced numbers, at half past one in the morning with the DJ still doing his stuff.) God these 'pensioners' are hard!

As a smoker I aquitted myself many times to go outside for a smoke (you have to kick open a fire door and wedge it open with a draft excluder and stand outside to smoke.)

Now I don't know how many people from the 92 flats are smokers but I got a fair idea as I had my own smoke outside in sub zero tempratures and I just have to say that there were loads.

One lady, whom I've known for many tens of years but didn't know she smoked, was stood out there with a flimsy Cardigan. She stood outside alongside me in those sub zero tempratures and said "they'll never stop me smoking, however hard they try!" That lady is 81 years old and refused my coat to sheild her from the cold.

As I said I video'd the inside event but it never occurred to me to video the smokers outside??? But I have to attend the New Years party soon so...

...lets hear it for the elderly that are saying "you'll never kill me off with your insane smoking laws!"

As an aside number 1, the warden, a nice lad who I found out for the first time was a smoker, pulled me up and rather shyly asked me if I had a crafty smoke in the gents toilet, to which I told him no, which I hadn't, and he accepted this without qualms. But not soon after one of 'the committee' just had to mention it over the open mic.

Aside 2, the DJ that night ended up snowed in when he got home so ended up phoning me up to say he was snowed in so couldn't collect his equipment on time. Why phone me? He couldn't find a direct line to the warden so Googled Glastonbury House and through a trail found Freedom2Choose and my office phone number? Talk about a paper trail eh.

So who do you want to, Freedom2Choose, you know the number!

Barking Spider said...

Merry Christmas, Big Yin, have a good one, mate, and a very Happy New Year to you and yours.

Spidey ;-)

Anonymous said...

Anon I, Danke, Herr Doktor.

Anon II, Thank you for the Xmas wishes, I have no doubt that a great proportion of the population support your admirable sentiments.

TBY, Thanks for sharing Your Xmas Party, I am glad to Note Mrs Yin was well enough to attend, the little things you mention show that even at a time like Xmas where good will and tolerence are prominant there are those who are incapable of such, those who do their job in a honest discreet manner with compassion no matter how distasteful it may be, and more importantly those who still believe in freedom. There is something very wrong in any country when 81 year old women are forced by law to stand outside in Artic conditions becaus eof her lifestyle, This lady went through six years of the worst kind of war in recorded history,she has no doubt worked all her life to support this country, she has paid her dues and this country owes her the right to live out the remainder of her days in peace and comfort according to her lifestyle. I look forward to your account of New Years Eve. It was interesting to see a small part of the rather tongue-in-cheek article I wrote partially vindicated, that a committee member has to debase a fun social event with petty snipes at a number of the guests, it would not have been accepted in my youth, even less so during those of the generationn prior to mine who lived through that long gone war.

I wish a Merry christmas with a happy New Year to all the Keyboard warriors and families of the Blogosphere without whom so many social injustices would go unremarked,unnoticed and neglected, the work they do is vital in an humane society. may whatever deity you believe in (or not as the case may be) be with you for you are the conscience of this nation.

John Watson.

TheBigYin said...

Thank you all for your comments.

John W,I have just turned 58 on the 21st of Dec this year but still think of myself as a 21 year old, metaphorically speaking.

Now, as many of our members at F2C know, I met and married, at ninteen, a 32 year old woman whom I adore and we have trotted through many trials and tribulations. Forty years later, (next August the 14th,) I am just turned 58 and Mrs Yin is about to turn 72 and I still think as a twenty one year old as does my Mrs.

The world has changed around us but our world has not changed to any significant degree.


I guess what I am trying to say is that change for changes sake is a no no but change for the betterment of mankind is a good the smoking ban a change for changes sake or a good thing?

Now let me get the turkey/lamb/beef or vegies in the oven, me and Mrs Yin have not lost our Christmas spirit, we know a good time when we see it coming.

Happy holidays everyone, no matter your grievance with the world.

I baulk sometimes, but, most times, I love the human race!

Amusing Bunni said...

Hi Big Yin! I'm hopping by a bit late to wish you and your wife a very Merry Christmas! I'm glad you had such a fun party, and also a Belated Happy Birthday.
I hope your New Year is great too!

Keep on partying, 2011 is almost here.
Best wishes, ~ Bunni

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